The Dom and the Sub

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men fashion

A couple of days ago I over heard some of the girls in the class talking about fashion and I over heard Jackie ask why don't guys have a sense of fashion, primarily heterosexual males. I believe there are multiple answers to this question.

One answer is that many men do not feel the need to dress up on a daily basis. When someone takes the time to match their cloths, do up their hair, etc. what they are essentially doing is something we all know as peacocking. By doing this we are making ourselves stand out to the opposite sex in an attempt to attract a mate. At one time this was a common practice in the male population and can still be seen in some cultures, but due to contributing factors (primarily religious) this practice has died out. Now we find that women have taken on this role, meaning that men no longer feel the need to dress up in order to attract a mate because it is no longer expected of them.

Another factor I believe is the fact that male fashion hasn't really changed at all. Here are a couple of pics of what i have found to be the most common male fashionable clothing styles for the general public. 

Male fashion trends seem to still consist of suits, dress pants, various jackets, vests, etc. they just come in phases. In fact the only organization that has managed to create new clothes for male fashion is the military (damn they are good). Examples of these are cargo pants, the pea coat, trench coat, parka, and of course the bomber jacket. One problem that I see with this is that though the dress cloths may look nice you cant do anything in them, they stain and get damaged too easily so if you are a guy who is fairly active these clothes are more of a nuisance than anything (this especially applies to all tight pants, guys stop wearing them you cant do jack while you have them on). And many of the jackets, though they do look incredibly good, often are seasonal. This means that most guys are left with jeans and t-shirts which when you look at it isn't that attention grabbing of a combination. Though you may use accessories, i.e. sunglasses, watches, necklaces  etc. these only do so much.  

There are of course many other aspects such as hair styles and the like associated with a persons appearance but I believe that is a whole other ball park.  

The double standard of a falling star

Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears, Lindsey Lohan, we are all very familiar with their stories. Once famous child stars who grew up to have a bright future in various media industries, and then their dark decent from fame and fortune to in most cases a drug addict mess. This story is not uncommon among media stars especially those who grew up in the environment since they were children. Both men and women have fallen victim to the darker side of fame. But I have noticed a double standard among these individuals.

You see when ever a female who was once a child star is caught in a drug or sex scandal people immediately start pointing fingers at one person in particular...their mother. Many say that the mothers of these women forced their children to engage in activities that endangered their children physically or mentally for the sole purpose of monetary gain. And though this may be true the same might not be said if a male is caught in the same position.

A great example of this is the once “King of Pop” Michael Jackson. From a young age Michael was involved in professional music, originally a member of the family band “The Jackson Five” and eventually going off on a solo career, and the person that was guiding him with a very firm hand was his father Joseph Jackson. His tight hold on Michael, though successful and produced one of the greatest singers and dancers of all time, caused significant emotional and mental damage to Michael essentially robbing him of his childhood. This many believe had a dramatic effect on Michael as an adult, yet very few put the blame on his fathers shoulders, rather putting it all on the shoulders of Michael himself.

Though the situation Michael faced is incredibly similar to the situation many of the female stars faced, we react completely differently. This double standard in a way says that we believe that men should be held responsible for their actions independent of what factors may have lead to the situation they find themselves in and they deserve no sympathy. Where as women deserve all the sympathy because they aren’t strong enough to deal with emotional trauma as a child.  

The strive for beauty

 We all strive to be considered beautiful, but what does it mean to be beautiful? According to our society beauty is derived strictly from ones physical appearance. But who decides what is commonly considered beautiful? And why have they chosen such a incredibly unatainable level of beauty?

The people who have set up the ideal image of what society considers beautiful are the ones who have the greatest investment in it, I am speaking of course of those in the beauty supply business. These people purposly use a group of people who are not only very attractive but then use computers and make up to make them perfect. By berading us with these images of perfect people we start to believe that this is considered normal, which means when we don't meet this level of beauty we attempt to use any avenue we can to attain this goal.

Now thanks to the acceptance of plastic surgery by the general population this desire to become beautiful has taken on a more desperate turn. We have been trained to believe that beauty leads to success, this means for women that having large breasts will help them find a mate or be successful socially. So why should you be forced to live with the body you were given when you can just get a larger pair of breasts. These kinds of surgery’s known as cosmetic surgery’s have had a dramatic rise in recent years. In fact the five most common surgery’s are breast augmentation, liposuction,m eye lid surgery, abdominoplasty, and breast augmentation. You notice that none of these tend to focus on those who have been injured in an accident, they are in fact focusing on just people trying to look more like the norm and I personally find this very sad. Rather than see what good attributes people have, they will look at the negative ones and focus on only them.

Though I do believe that we should all try to look the best we can, by giving people what is basically an easy way out a person is more likely to take the surgery rather than attempt to change somethingt as simple as your cloths or your hair style. My self personally had many personal image issues growing up, but rather than feel sorry for myself I decided to change things about myself. I researched what kind of hairstyles complemented my face shape, I wore clothes that complemented by body shape, I grew a little bit of a beard to hide my baby face and asymmetrical jaw. By changing these things I was able to take what positive traits I had and amplify them, thus making me more attractive to the opposite sex. All without dangerous procedures or pooisons.

Boys Don't Cry

     “Stop crying, boys don't cry” “Keep that up and I will give you something to cry about”, these are just some of the examples of phrases boys have heard growing up. These and many other statements are designed to teach boys to suppress what are considered negative emotions, fear, sadness, anger, physical pain. This conditioning can create men who seem emotionally cold and uncaring when it comes to the suffering of others, it can also cause these men to lash out in anger towards others because these suppressed emotions can come to a head. But why is this? Why would we want to take our young boys who are just as emotional as young girls and teach them that feeling emotions are bad?

    Though men and women both tend to agree that emotions have their time and place the occurrences where men are allowed to show negative emotions are few and none. This training I believe comes from the fact that emotions get in the way when performing the roles that men traditionally take part in. Traditionally men have been the providers and protectors of his family, and emotions such as sadness or anger can have a dramatic effect on his productivity. If you come to work sad you cant work effectively, if you cant work effectively you get fired, your family goes hungry, thus you have failed your role. Another example is if you are a soldier or a member of the emergency medical services, you are surrounded by injury and death, if you succumb to your emotions people other than yourself can become injured. So to be successful in his role he must learn to suppress his emotions, if not he may find himself destroyed by them. This suppression does not mean that they can't feel them however, we still feel anger and sadness. But because men have not learned how to properly deal with these emotions they are unable to process them, this can lead to frustration and thus anger. This idea is supported by the work of Marvil Allen, author and therapist.  

A picture of manliness

In the show NCIS there are many male characters that the audience is familiar with but only one is considered to be a real man by the general audience, especially if you ask the female audience.

That man is Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Gibbs for short) the head of the NCIS major case response team. He depicts what I consider to be an older kind of man, those who were made by the depression or by war. He can come off as hard to work with, and occasionally cold towards others yet he does feel great deal of sympathy for those who are in need, especially children.

Like many of these kind of men he has had a difficult life, he was a soldier in Desert Storm, his first wife and child were murdered, and he has been divorced. As a marine sniper in desert storm he saw a great deal of blood shed, in fact in one episode he is quoted saying “I've killed men and women in combat, in the line, and in life, and some of them still haunt me.” After returning home from deployment in Desert Storm he finds out that his wife and daughter were murdered by a member of a Mexican drug cartel when his wife agreed to testify to a murder she witnessed. Knowing that there was no way their murderer would be brought to justice in traditional ways he took matters into his own hands. He hunted down the man who murdered his wife and child and using his sniper rifle killed him, leaving a single rifle round in the spot where he took the shot as a message to the other members of the drug cartel.

He lives by a set of rules, an idea that he got from his first wife, so far we know of fifty one. Each of these rules was made for a reason and effects all parts of his work. Some of the most popular are always carry a knife, never screw over your partner, and never be untouchable. These rules have been set in order to protect himself as well as those who he works with.

Gibbs also has an incredible drive to do his job and do whats right, even though it has had a dramatic effect on his personal relationships and many times he has walked the line between what is acceptable and what will get him fired. He has very high standards set when it comes to work for himself as well as those who he works with, and he does not like these standards broken. This is seen many times when he gives the male operatives a slap on the back of the head as a way of telling them to get focused on the task at hand and of course mistakes are also something Gibbs are not taken lightly.

He knows that not everybody can do the job he does. This is clearly seen in a scene where he is taking a million dollars out of the basement that will be used in a hostage negotiation, the only issue is that he does not have permission to take the money for two more days, time we all realize they do not have. This is witnessed by a intern and the intern asks Gibbs why he is taking the money due to the fact that he could get in serious trouble for doing it. Gibbs' only response is “A building catches fire...Some people run away...Some people run in.” This quote shows us the the reason why Gibbs does the things he does. He knows that not everyone can go out and track down murders, or put their own lives on the line for little to no personal gain. But he is one of the few who can, so he must fill that role. He might be able to make more money somewhere else and he would get along with his superiors much better if he wouldn't push the envelop but if he didn't do the things he does to catch the bad guys, who would.

But even though he may come off as cold towards others he does in fact care a great deal about those who are effected by the crimes his team investigates as well as those who he works with. The best examples are when he interacts with children. One example of this was when he used his carpentry skills to finish a tree house that a dead marine was building for his son, another was when he allowed a girl who was under NCIS protection stay at his house so she felt safe.

The picture of manliness that Gibbs projects is that of a man who holds high standards for himself as well as those he interacts with. And though he may come off as rough on occasion he is actually very caring with a strong sense of justice, which is the very reason he became a member of NCIS

Masculinity in Media

Malcolm Reynolds in the television show Firefly depicts masculinity as a man who does what is necessary to survive, but lives by a set of morals that he refuses to break no matter the consequences. The show Firefly is basically a western located in outer space, and the characters are fugitives that are hired by various people to do illegal jobs for them. The reason Malcolm has chosen this way of life is because he was apart of the outer planets who were forced to fall under the rule of the inner planets called the Alliance. Rather than side with the people who he had fought against in the war he decides to become an outlaw. This is a pretty simplified explanation of the show but there it is.

In the beginning of the episode you see Malcolm and his crew being hired by a man named Niska, a very unpleasant man with a clear love of torture. Niska hires Malcolm to steal a supply of medicine on an Alliance train, and with Malcolm's history with the Alliance he has no issue with this. The plan runs into a problem in the middle of the heist however, Malcolm and his partner Zoe Washbern are left on the train and they have to try and not get caught. During a conversation with the sheriff of the town they come to find out that the medicine that they stole was for the members of the town. Because the planet had been terraformed to make it possible for human to live on there was as side effect, the planet's ore that is being mined when mixed with oxygen releases a gas which causes degeneration of bones and muscle.

After Malcolm and Zoe are rescued by a fellow crew member he decides that he is going to return the medicine to the people, even though he knows this is essentially signing his death warrant. If you want to see what I mean as well as become a member of the cult classic Firefly here is a link to watch the episode.

Firefly season 1 episode 2 "The Train Job"

Why We Watch Reality TV

 Honey Boo-Boo, Jersey Shore, Survivor, Toddlers in Tiaras, these are just a couple of examples of the rash of horrible reality television shows that have been popping up all over the place. My understanding of reality television shows is that you take something like a competition or an activity that people want to see and you record it. This means that each show tells you something about the viewing audience as well as those participating. For example if you watch American Chopper you more than likely like motor cycles as well as the creative process involved in customizing them. Or if you watch The Most Dangerous Catch you might like watching people perform in dangerous situations. So I ask you what does this tell us about the viewing audience of the horrible shows I mentioned above.

I believe people watch these shows because they focus on what I call the dark side of reality, and by doing so they make you feel better about yourself by solidification your values or making you feel superior. These shows focus on drama and depravity more than anything else, and even though most of the people involved in these shows are looked down upon by the general population, we still idolize them and many wish they could be them. For example the show Toddlers In Tiaras is about a group of children who are in beauty competitions. But a majority of the show is filled with the drama between the over competitive mothers (who as far as I'm concerned are angry that they didn't become professional models so they are living their dream through their children). The viewing audience thrives on this drama for a couple of reasons, the most prevalent of which is the love of competition or the desire to feel that they are better than another person. I know plenty of people who think what these mothers are doing is horrible but they continue to watch the show because it helps prove to them that they are good parents.

These shows seem to have one purpose, to feed our desire to want to be better than someone else. And by finding people we love to hate to fill the roles, they have done just that.